Recipedia: P

I was thinking about writing a bunch about the creative process on my current story and how the more you do stuff the more everything changes. In a good way. But that would require a level of presumption and narcissism that I would not feel comfortable with. It should just be sharing my experience of a developing project but if in the end it turns out to be a bunch of guff, well, that would be embarrassing.

Instead I’m going to put a few of the same pages together that I’ve drawn a bunch of times and they should speak for themselves.

One thing of note is that as the style develops and the pages get steadily better, the pages that are already done get steadily worse.

This begs the question of whether this will ever end. I hope we will reach an acceptable plateau soon.

^This page featured in an earlier blog post, probably from over a year ago and is now classified as “SUBSTANDARD for all of the reasons”

The content contained above in one page has now been embiggened to four pages of higher quality work. You’ll notice the change in style as well as quality, preferring the thicker lines and bolder contrast of the comic book medium over the thinner lines and less contrast of whatever I was producing before:

However I am also expecting these to progress into becoming substandard within an alarmingly short space of time. This is a modestly depressing thought but also a slightly exciting one but mostly not really much of a thought at all at the moment because I have other things to think about. Like redoing all of my earlier pages. For example:

The way I want the world in the story presented has been changing gradually and is now at a satisfying point so I’ll try to keep it here. At first I was favouring showing as little as possible but that was “PROBLEMATIC to future developments” and lacking the depth and conviction required to ensure belief in the place as being a place. Also there needed to be “BETTER CLOUDS” as I like drawing clouds and I was conning myself out of drawing satisfying clouds.

That was all a lot wordier than I wanted it to be and goes against one of my introductory statements:

“Instead I’m going to put a few of the same pages together that I’ve drawn a bunch of times and they should speak for themselves.”

and probably makes me sound presumptuous and narcissistic. It’s really hard to come across as a likable person in a blog post. It’s a good job you’re an idiot.

Goodbye Mister Bendy Man

Posted on September 28, 2011 by Richard

I have written in the past about how useless mister bendy man is. And he is.

Finally I became tired of him getting away with doing whatever he wants all the time in a drawer and not working because he’s useless at his job and he doesn’t even care. I decided the only way to deal with people like that is to burn them in a fire.

I did bring this up with him a minute or so before I was going to burn him in a fire and he didn’t seem too surprised, I guess it happens to them all eventually, and so without any further ado, I burnt him in a fire. I only regret not doing it sooner.

I documented it because he deserved it:

Here he is saying “thank you for doing this, I appreciate it really. It’s just nice to be out of the drawer where I could do what I wanted. And it’s nice to see you, of course.”

Here he says “so goodbye then I guess. um…oh it’s quite warm isn’t it, this fire? you know I never thought it would be quite this warm but now that I’m so close to this fire here I can feel how warm it is and I can appreciate how much warmer it’s likely to get when I’m inside. That’s funny isn’t it? ha ha.”

“hmm?” I say.

Here he says “lordy, I am extremely flammable. That’s good though I suppose, to get all this over quickly. I’m sure that’s why you…um, ugh, it’s really very hot.”

I say “ooh”

Here he says “uck…ak, gah. oh. blimey. You know, you don’t realise how much you like your hands and feet until they’ve been melted by a fire. hey, ha, I’m like that man from that film Volcano aren’t I? Ha ha. He melts too doesn’t he, and he has a family and stuff. Doesn’t he? And he was saving those people too. Wasn’t he. Hey?”

“okay”

“You know, this is real…ugh..pfff…uh,nice isn’t it. Just two guys hanging out together, having a…real good time beside or inside an incredibly hot fire. Gosh, oh gosh, it’s a shame we won’t be able to do this much longer. I suppose great times can only last…uh, so… do you think you could jus…hu? no? okay that’s fine I’m sure.

“no”

“i love you…(?)”

Recipedia: N

Posted on September 26, 2011 by Richard

Norovirus Nachos are an extremely effective weight loss solution. Do not let your doctor convince you otherwise

Inanimate Celebrity Lookalikes

Posted on August 4, 2011 by Richard

Chocolate Milkshake Review #1 – M&S Chocolate Flavoured Milk Milkshake

Posted on April 15, 2011 by Richard

I thought that reviewing food seems popular for all of the blogging. Like with the biscuits person and that guy that eats all of the greggs food. He is a idiot.

I’m well into chocolate milkshakes and am enthusiastic about consumer advice. Today’s milkshake is called M&S Chocolate Flavoured Milk milkshake.

I am sorry that I ate most of it before photographing it. That is unprofessional.

Today’s milkshake was purchased from M&S Simply Food at Wetherby Services. That should be J on that link there. The other letter on that link (B?) is M&S Simply Food Wetherby. I have also bought this milkshake from there, so don’t worry if you confuse the two. Now, at the risk of sounding presumptuous, I’m going to suppose that you might well be able to buy something like this, if not something that is this, from an M&S Simply Food, or even a regular M&S with a small internal food section, that isn’t even anywhere in or near Wetherby. However, I’m not going to suggest that you try to.

So – to the goods…

PRICE: The goods cost a bit over a pound and there was a whole lot of it. It was also significantly cheaper than the other, posher looking chocolate milk that there was less of. So that’s pretty good I guess, especially as I have no other comparable milkshakes yet.

NAME: M&S really want you to know that milk is what they think you should be eating. There is no sense of fun here. The chocolate flavour seems to be out of necessity, to catch the eye, rather than desire. The 2% fat bit is basically also part of the name. The name is really: “CHOCOLATE Eat Semi Skimmed Milk”. The clinical tagline to the milkshake is “high temperature pasteurised milk drink” which reinforces everything I’ve just said.

INGREDIENTS: Who cares really. Here they are:

Note the “blended with chocolate to add a dimension of fun.” M&S hate chocolate, they wish it didn’t exist and they resent having to add it to milk in order to sell milk. We have already established that there is no fun here, there isn’t even a desire for the potential for fun. Fun is gone. Fun is dead.

LOOKS: The packaging is a right bunch of old dullness. Bland as all that. The chocolate in the photograph is not branded, making it look like a supermarket’s own chocolate. A rubbish budget easter kind of chocolate. This is folly. The packaging is a disaster.

COLOUR: The brown is grey-brown. This type of brown is a lot better than green-brown, which is the worst for food, but it doesn’t scream delicious. In fact it screams a kind of malaise that is echoed in the taste.

(Side Note: I once tried to invent cake with a friend. We put in the sort of ingredients we thought cake contained. And then we put in green food colouring. They were green-brown. They were a nightmare.)

TASTE: Like with all milkshakes the first thing you taste is sugar, but we expect this and so it is good. It is not too much sugar though. It is actually quite a nice amount of sugar, making it pretty quaffable, although there is not much body to the whole affair. We can probably call this a session milkshake and M&S has succeeded in making us swallow tons of milk in a short space of time. Chocolate has proven itself as a necessary evil.

The chocolate tastes like the photo would have you assume. Pretty boring but relatively effective none the less. Quite a cynical taste I suppose. M&S hate milkshakes and they hate themselves for producing one. I also did find something odd hanging there in the aftertaste. I couldn’t place what it was at first but after thinking about it for a little while I realised that it was peas. Not the dirt part of the taste of peas but the other bit. This suggests that M&S actually want to make milk with peas in it, and I can believe that that would be true.

SUMMARY:

PRICE: So that’s pretty good I guess,

NAME: Shameful

INGREDIENTS: Who cares / Fun is dead

LOOKS: A disaster

COLOUR: Grey-Brown

TASTE: Cynical, Pea notes

TOTAL: 2/5

I don’t know if I’m going to review any more milkshakes.

An Amendment to my Previous Post

Posted on April 3, 2011 by Richard

When Nigel wasn’t dead he could undo double knots just fine. In fact, it was his ability to undo double knots that gave the banner the slack required to flap about in his face in the first place. Apologies.

What I Did Today (three days ago)

Posted on April 1, 2011 by Richard

Today (three days ago) I went to Cornwall. Cornwall is a place that is so far away that the people there think that it is foreign.

It took me over twenty five years to get to Cornwall and when I got there I spent four and a half hours faffing about in this field.

After over twenty five years and four and a half hours it was getting pretty late and so I rushed down to Lands End before it got dark. On the radio it was the inquest into Nigel’s death, David Archer sounded well guilty about encouraging Nigel to go onto the roof. Nigel couldn’t undo double-knots and so now he’s dead.

It was a very good thing that the clocks went forward last weekend, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to see Lands End.

Lands End is like a theme park where the theme is about how there isn’t any ground anymore. The same theme can be found at any other part of the seaside, as well as beside a lake or at the swimming pool. However, when you got past the amusements the view was an okay thing.

In the long queue out of the car park there were signs advertising other bits of Cornwall. One of the signs said Why Not Visit the First and Last Inn in England?. I had been disappointed that there had been no pub at the theme park and so I said Why Not Indeed!

Inside it was a bit crummy and sounded like jack johnson and so I took my local booze outside, which was nice.

Driving after that I saw this sign:

And I thought I Have No Idea What That Is, but as we were in the spirit of Why Not Indeed! we (me) went there anyway. It was down one of those wiggly roads that you’re not sure if you’re supposed to be on and the car park was basically someone’s back garden. This is where I was:

I had to film myself walking through the fogou (tunnel) because I was scared and the extra degree of separation provided by the screen made it less scary:

It was a very wonderful place and as I was leaning on the gate imagining campfires in the village my phone rang and I pondered on the contrast between the intimacy of the huddled stone ruins and the void between me and whoever was on the other end of the phone. It was my dad talking about european breakdown insurance cover.

As I drove away the radio was all talk about how our brains can trick us and our memory is radomly selective and unreliable:

See. (probably don’t want to watch that^)

Then I got lost trying to find the premier inn.

This is a photo of Price-Drop Tv:

It is the only channel available in premier inns. The broken human goon presenter is a new one and he wasn’t very good at describing tat. My favourite one came along later on and shouted an impressive medley of adjectives towards the bedding he was lolling about on. And, as the numbers on the product total counter rapidly approached zero, I slipped into an apoplectic stupor. I had a long dream about a sociable but drug addled village. It got nasty after closing time.