The 12 Recipes of Xmas

 These are only theoretical. Please don’t try to make them like you would my other recipes, it just won’t work I’m afraid.
12 – Drummer Drummers (made from drumming khickens)
11 – Pipers Piping (made from pipers’ pipes) (<guts) (warning: contains guts)
10 – Fjords for Keeping (involves warfare)
9 – Ladie’s Hair (for keeping)
8 – Raid Sam’s Silk Embroiderings (guts) (really?) 
7 – Swarms of Swimming (swimming in swarms attracts sharks)
6 – Geese-Oil Railings (to help burgle food)
5 – Cold Things (liquid nitrogen in a cutlery drawer w/ seasonings)
4 – Coiling Gizzerds (not guts) (processed giraffe + lizard + zebra + leopard in liquid nitrogen w/ seasonings)  
3. Stench Hens (old khicken)
2. Startle Dave (horn or gun) (or guts?) (?)
1. Claartridge Stuffed with Rare Bee (deep fried and offered back to bees) 

  Lordy, that was laboured.

p.s. you can make Startle Dave.