album review #1: daft punk album review

Daft Punk are a couple of robots who drive cars and they make music under the name “Daft Punk”. In order to raise awareness of this I thought I would review their new album that they have. The new album is called Really Access Memories.

Daft Punk have made albums before that you might know about. They made one in the nineties that was called Hometime and it was about how there was a person with a dog head for a head that walked down the street and how people and robots could walk up and down stairs. Then the next one was called Discography in the noughties and it was about cartoons in space. Then the next one was called Human After Eight in the noughties and it was about how they were pretending that they weren’t really robots so they could make boring music and then finally they made an album in the noughties called Tom: Leprosy about robots who ride motorbikes in the noughties.

So now with this new album we have a new chapter in the story of robots. We’d better find out what it is about. I am going to review this in “real time” like 24 so we can experience the sensation together as vividly as you experienced Jack Bauer trying to force someone to eat a towel. I’m not going to post any music or links to music because this should be just exactly like you are listening to it anyway. You could find it somewhere I guess if you were desperate.

I am pressing play now…

n.b. Before we start I should let you know that I have already written it. I’m just going to cut and paste it in here now. I thought I should tell you in case you try to read it whilst listening and it doesn’t exactly match up because although I did write it whilst listening I did also pause a couple of times and have dinner half way through.

*press*

1.

The first song is a song called uh, “Give Life Back In Music” and it is a boogie groove song with singing by an infant. The lyrics are “Na Na Naaaa Na Na Na Na; Na Na Na Na Na / Na Na Naaaa Na Na Na Na; Na Na Na Na Na” and the infant has a robot voice. You don’t get infant robots so I think it must be a real infant that has been made to sound like a robot. It is not a particularly good song because I don’t know what it has to do with robots apart from that the infant is supposed to be a robot.

2.

The second song is called “The Game In Love” and it is a sad gloomy song with a twiddly guitar and a poddy poddy poddy sound. The robot is saying about how there is a Game In Love. Robots hate love, it is the emotion that they understand the least because it has the least to do with constructing cars. The robot is obviously sad about not understanding the Game In Love but it is a lie because it cannot be sad. At this point it sounds like it is crying. It is devious and manipulative. I can’t see what this song has to do with the previous song. I don’t know what the story is supposed to be.

3.

This song starts with talking by a man. He is talking about making disco music and then there is a boogie groove beat whilst he is talking. The man says his name is George Ian. After that the song is boring. This song is nine minutes long. Ugh. Uh, so the song is called “George In Moldova” and it has another poddy poddy sound and some clicky sounds as well as the boogie groove but it is more about dance music than disco music. Now there is some strings noise. It is 5:54 and now the song is a bad song. I’m going to skip this song now, it has absolutely nothing to do with robots.

4.

The next song is called “With In”. It is a piano song to begin with and then it is a boring song. The robot is moaning about love and pretending to be sad again. There is nothing else to say. I don’t think there is going to be a story to these songs after all, most of them are just robots who are lying. I’m going to skip it.

5.

This next song sounds at first like the Neighbours theme song and then like a made up indie rock band, like Keane. There is a guitar and drum and keyboard and now some singing. It is poddy poddy and a little but chuggy because there is a guitar that isn’t doing boogy bass or twiddles. The robot is moaning about love and pretending to be sad. When you make the singing man from Keane a robot and then you give Keane one guitar they sing this song. It is fading out now. The song is called “In Stant Crush”.

6.

The next song is called “Lose Yourself In Dance” and it is a boogie groove song but it is a bit slower than the normal ones. There is a man singing, I think the man is called Usher and he claps and sings “lose your self in dance” and claps. At one point the bass stops for four beats and then comes back in, this is because it is in four/four time and so if you make a mistake you have to wait four beats before you are allowed to do anything else. The robots are now singing over Usher. They are singing “come on come on come on come one” and “party on the floor; everybody on the floor” and then their voices turn into guitars and sing too fast to hear what they are saying. I think it is pretty much what they sung already anyway. This is the best song so far because Usher is a person and so I can believe that he wants to dance.

7.

This song starts with widdly electronics and a spooky robot saying “touch” and then “touch I remember touch” and then “touch” and then a robot lady says “touch I remember touch” and then the spooky robot says “wherjuwabiwoor” and then “touch I need something more” then the robot lady says “I remember touch” and then the spooky robot says “I need something more in my mind” and then a man called Paul sings about touching and then it turns into show tunes with a boogie groove and occasional strings and widdlings and now it’s boogie woogie pianos and parpings. Paul has disappeared. This song is eight minutes long. Robots are singing slowly now and it is slow. This song should not be eight minutes long, it is too many songs and it has nothing to do with robots but it is the second best song so far. Now infants are singing about love being the answer. This is the worst song so far. Paul is back now with show tunes to finish. The song is called “Touchin”.

8.

I recognise this song because it is the famous one about getting lucky and it is called “Lets Get Lucky”. Robots are really all about looking after people and so a lucky robot is one who gets to help out a person who really needs some help. In this song Usher is singing about how a girl is out and about all night but it is okay because the robots are there to help her and make sure she is okay. They are hoping she gets in big trouble though because otherwise they have gone out for no reason. At one point the robots try singing but they are too excited so they don’t get on very well with it. This song has a boogie groove and is called “Lets Get Lucky”

9.

This song has Disney strings to begin it but I expect it is about to have a boogie groove. Strings are still going though. Now there is a boogie groove but it is the slowest one yet and a robot is singing about dreaming beyond dreams. You will find your song if you dream beyond dreams. Now it is singing about love beyond love. I don’t have time for this. I skipped to the end. It didn’t change. It was called something.

10.

This album is long when you’re writing about it. This song is slow and has got some clattering and tootling and stuff. It hasn’t really started yet (1:06) and now there is a plucky guitar. It hasn’t started yet (1:53). Uh (2:26) Anyway, this song is called “Motherboardin'” Oh, I think it’s finished (3:20). No, it’s still got some time. It’s got a bit boshy like a tense bit in an action telly drama. Still loads left. It’s stopped again but it is not ending. Now the widdly bit is coming back. I think maybe this song is supposed to highlight how tedious it is to be a robot. Well, I think they could have thrown that in the bin! and the last song. and the one about touching.

11.

Here we go again. This song has the slightest boogie groove yet and some drumming and a man singing who is called Tedd Edward. He doesn’t sing so good and this song sounds old and it sounds like Steely Dan if Steely Dan were boring. I can’t even really focus on what he’s singing, something about shining. I’ll check what it is called. So, it’s called “Fragment In Time” and there are two minutes left. Now there is robot guitar. It is an okay song. The third best so far and that is not counting “Touchin” because that is still the worst song. It’s probably not actually the worst song but the singing children didn’t go down too well at the time. The song is finishing now, I managed to waste the whole time and didn’t have to skip at all! Good song! Next Please!

12.

This song starts with robot voice singing about doing it right and dancing. The song is called “Doing In Right” and it features Panda Boy from Animals Incorporated. It sounds like a Panda Boy song with a hip hop beat and chanting but there is the robot voice from the beginning that is to remind you that the song is really about robots. Robots doing it right I guess. Making small metal objects. All night. Doing it right. Panda Bap is singing about losing your way in the night and how that is how you know that the magic is right. This must refer to what Usher was singing about earlier when the robots stop you getting hurt and that is a magic thing. It has stopped now and it is about to be the last song about robots.

13.

This song has slow keyboards and a USA man is talking. It is an astronaut talking about being in space and stuff. Hang on…no it’s okay, I just wanted to check that it didn’t just do that the whole way through but it’s okay it doesn’t. Now it has widdly electronics and is boshy boshy. Hang on…yes, it is boshy the whole way until it just goes a bit squealy and then there is some static and then it finishes. The song was called something and was not about robots.

Okay so now basically we have to round up the album:

Songs About Robots: 3/13

Songs That Don’t Even Have Names: 2/13

Songs That Should Be In The Bin: 2/13

Songs That Have Panda Bag In: 1/13

Total: 8/13

So that is 62 percent so that is 3.1 stars.

So that’s that.

Actually. It’s 8/52 isn’t it. Hang on…it’s 15 percent, which is 0.75 stars.

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