internet adventure part four

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Once again it is real hot in my real life and so my thoughts turn to my virtual self, who has finally reached the City of Surprise Arizona, where it is currently cooler than where I really am.

SurpriseAZ weather

That is because it is eight in the morning in Surprise. It is due to get much hotter during today though, which will make it too hot, so it is important to find somewhere to hold up out of the sun as quickly as possible. Whilst I mosey into town, why not acquaint your face with the unique qualities of Surprise Arizona.

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what from earth is space: what is the moving?


pan distance

The little dot to the right of the sun in the picture above is Alpha Centauri, the closest star to the sun. It is a long way away. The middle stars of the big dipper were all made together and are travelling through space in the same direction. They are the closest “cluster” of stars to Earth. Dubhe and Alkaid (at either end of the dipper) are out on their lonesome, which is not true as there is another star (invisible to our eyes) that orbits Dubhe. Mizar and Alcor look to us like they’re close enough to go around each other but they’re not. Mizar is (however, actually) a system of four stars and Alcor, like Dubhe, is a two star system. Space is therefore a giant merciless collection of optical illusions and silly names.

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round things of the solar system part five

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

nearly there

Now we’re beyond the planetary solar system and into something else entirely, what is known as trans-Neptunian space, that is anything that is further away than Neptune on average. The main thing of this part of the solar system is the Kuiper Belt, which is a bunch of junk created during the formation of the solar system that Neptune has apparently swept into a neat big doughnut. Some of the objects from the Kuiper Belt and beyond have crazy orbits so listing the miles things are after another thing is even stupider than it was for the planets.

843 million miles after Triton is:

orcusOrcus can be called the anti-Pluto. This is because its orbit is like Pluto’s in a mirror and it also has a cosy moon like Pluto does. Orcus is icy and the ice is in crystals which are probably from past ice volcanoes. Currently it is hard to know very much about the objects in this part of the solar system because they are so far away and no vehicle has yet had a look at them up close (the hubble pictures of these things are just bunches of pixels) and so it is also hard to know whether these things are round enough to even be looking at at all. Orcus probably is though, it’s nice.

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bodily function review #1: expelling infants function

A bewildered and frightened person has asked me to review childbirth. This will not be of any comfort. I am aware that the subject goes down better when it is coated in a crispy sugary shell but this is exactly why people confronted with the event in real life become inconsolable and so I am going to be as unsympathetic and crass as possible. However, before I begin let me just say that I think no differently of children than I do of any other type of human being that I hate and, similarly, I think no differently of childbirth than I do of any other disgusting and horrifying bodily function. So now that I’ve clarified myself against reprisals I shall begin.

Crispy Sugary Shell

Childbirth is the biological process by which a parasite moves from the larval to nymphal stage of its development through a moulting of the outer parental casing. So in order to explore this topic fully we have to understand the mechanics of the transition as well as the lifecycle of the freeloading organism.







































































Birthing Mechanics


That’s Enough of That

So I guess as I put that this is a review in the title it means that I have to give childbirth a score.

Childbirth: Zero

If you’d like to know about childbirth in more detail you’d best try to put that thought behind you. I couldn’t even bring myself to be as crass as I wanted to. There should’ve been a lot more mucus.