chocolate milkshake review #1 – m&s chocolate flavoured milk milkshake

I thought that reviewing food seems popular for all of the blogging. Like with the biscuits person and that guy that eats all of the greggs food. He is a idiot.

I’m well into chocolate milkshakes and am enthusiastic about consumer advice. Today’s milkshake is called M&S Chocolate Flavoured Milk milkshake.

I am sorry that I ate most of it before photographing it. That is unprofessional.

Today’s milkshake was purchased from M&S Simply Food at Wetherby Services. That should be J on that link there. The other letter on that link (B?) is M&S Simply Food Wetherby. I have also bought this milkshake from there, so don’t worry if you confuse the two. Now, at the risk of sounding presumptuous, I’m going to suppose that you might well be able to buy something like this, if not something that is this, from an M&S Simply Food, or even a regular M&S with a small internal food section, that isn’t even anywhere in or near Wetherby. However, I’m not going to suggest that you try to.

So – to the goods…

PRICE: The goods cost a bit over a pound and there was a whole lot of it. It was also significantly cheaper than the other, posher looking chocolate milk that there was less of. So that’s pretty good I guess, especially as I have no other comparable milkshakes yet.

NAME: M&S really want you to know that milk is what they think you should be eating. There is no sense of fun here. The chocolate flavour seems to be out of necessity, to catch the eye, rather than desire. The 2% fat bit is basically also part of the name. The name is really: “CHOCOLATE Eat Semi Skimmed Milk”. The clinical tagline to the milkshake is “high temperature pasteurised milk drink” which reinforces everything I’ve just said.

INGREDIENTS: Who cares really. Here they are:

Note the “blended with chocolate to add a dimension of fun.” M&S hate chocolate, they wish it didn’t exist and they resent having to add it to milk in order to sell milk. We have already established that there is no fun here, there isn’t even a desire for the potential for fun. Fun is gone. Fun is dead.


LOOKS: The packaging is a right bunch of old dullness. Bland as all that. The chocolate in the photograph is not branded, making it look like a supermarket’s own chocolate. A rubbish budget easter kind of chocolate. This is folly. The packaging is a disaster.

COLOUR: The brown is grey-brown. This type of brown is a lot better than green-brown, which is the worst for food, but it doesn’t scream delicious. In fact it screams a kind of malaise that is echoed in the taste.

(Side Note: I once tried to invent cake with a friend. We put in the sort of ingredients we thought cake contained. And then we put in green food colouring. They were green-brown. They were a nightmare.)

TASTE: Like with all milkshakes the first thing you taste is sugar, but we expect this and so it is good. It is not too much sugar though. It is actually quite a nice amount of sugar, making it pretty quaffable, although there is not much body to the whole affair. We can probably call this a session milkshake and M&S has succeeded in making us swallow tons of milk in a short space of time. Chocolate has proven itself as a necessary evil.

The chocolate tastes like the photo would have you assume. Pretty boring but relatively effective none the less. Quite a cynical taste I suppose. M&S hate milkshakes and they hate themselves for producing one. I also did find something odd hanging there in the aftertaste. I couldn’t place what it was at first but after thinking about it for a little while I realised that it was peas. Not the dirt part of the taste of peas but the other bit. This suggests that M&S actually want to make milk with peas in it, and I can believe that that would be true.


PRICE: So that’s pretty good I guess,

NAME: Shameful

INGREDIENTS: Who cares / Fun is dead

LOOKS: A disaster

COLOUR: Grey-Brown

TASTE: Cynical, Pea notes

TOTAL: 2/5

I don’t know if I’m going to review any more milkshakes.

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