I have been forced to do a blog post about yachts in lieu of doing another blog post about something else sooner after my last post about Pac-Man. I don’t really have much of an opinion about yachts except for that it was the word that I remember not being able to spell in year 4 when we had a spelling test but I had not been there on the day when the words were given out and spelled out for us to learn. Yacht, like choir, is a trick word.
I guess that means as we go into this review about yachts I am already biased against yachts.
Yacht Review #1: All Of The Yachts
YACHTS. I am enthusiastic about yachts and also the idea of writing a review about yachts. Yachts are popular both with people who like the idea of boats and people who like the idea of wipe-clean housing. Also popular with formula one racing drivers who have no idea what to do with hideous amounts of money.
Before I review yachts so you can decide whether to buy one or not, I need to tell you exactly what a yacht is. I will do this in a bullet point fashion so you do not get bored. Don’t forget that I don’t even want to be writing about yachts. If you get bored it’s not my fault.
What is a yacht?
- A yacht was not sung about in a song by Roxy Music. The song is Dignity by Deacon Blue and it is on the same ballad compilation as More Than This by Roxy Music.
- Dignity by Deacon Blue is about being poor and so you need to save all of your money your whole life just to buy a dinghy, which isn’t even a yacht.
- Deacon Blue are one of the best unknown bands in Scotland according to allmusic.
- But looking at the album listing it seems like they were always trying to repeat the success of their first album and therefore never managed to progress their style as the rest of the musical mainstream left them behind.
- Deacon Blue reformed in 1999 and now do occasional festival appearances.
Let’s Look At Yachts Then
In order to analyse all yachts we need to focus on the one most typical yacht that there is. The most typical yacht in the world is called the Deacon Blue, and here she is:
Our tour will be conducted by Bryan Ferry from the rock bands Roxy Music and Bryan Ferry.
Bryan Ferry knows a lot about yachts and this one in particular because it is the one that he is a cook on. The owner of the yacht is deceased formula one racing driver Roland Ratzenberger who is currently away, providing Bryan with a whole bunch of time to show us around. Shut up now, Bryan wants to start.
Bryan can be quite rude around bed time.
That’s all about yachts so let’s do a round up so that we can decide how good yachts are:
Colour: Yachts and things on yachts come in three colours, however one of these is white which, as has been established in the past, is not a colour. That’s a score of 2/3.
Ease of use: Yachts are exactly the same as cars when it comes to using them. This means that if you know how to use a car they have a usability score of 100%. If you cannot use a car then it is 0% so we split the difference and the score is 50%.
Stuff to do: From Batman Forever to cassette tapes, there is plenty of opportunity to have fun on a yacht. Batman Forever has an IMDB score of 5.4/10 and cassette tapes are pretty great but sometimes they get eaten up by the machine so out of a possible 4.6 score cassette tapes will be around 3.5. Stuff to do gets a 8.9 score.
Cuisine: On a yacht you can only eat one of the five food groups, carbohydrates, and so yachts are only a 1 star eating establishment. Result = 1 star
Economy: It is easy to move things on water and so yacht engines are a very economical kind of engine but yacht petrol is quite expensive. I don’t know anything about engine rating systems so I’m going to give that a result of: quite good.
2 + 8.9 + 1 = 11.9
50% of 11.9 = 5.95
A “quite good” version of 5.95 = 4.34
Round that down and you get a final score of 4
4 stars presumably
So that’s very good.
If you would like to find out more about yachts I recommend watching this educational video:
That’s the end of the review on yachts. I suppose it’s better than the comparison of the M6 junction 5 slip road with Nemesis at Alton Towers that I was going to do.