Yesterday at 2pm the front of my van had a disagreement with the back of a car in Leicestershire.
After shock and formalities the car drove away because you can pummel the back of a car and the car doesn’t care. If you pummel the front of a van it cries all over the floor and doesn’t want to drive anymore. You are stranded. Stranded on Bowleys Lane.
After a complicated two hours of calling various people Carl rang me. He was here to sort stuff and said that there was someone on the way to take me and my van home and they would be with me in 60 minutes. This was good news. I looked out at the view.
Satisfied, I decided to go for a walk along the A444.
At the garage I bought a bottle of Buxton Still because it is thirsty to walk along a busy road. I went into a phone box to make calls because it was noisy from the M42. I told people not to worry anymore because Carl had it all sorted out and I would be rescued in less than 60 minutes. This done I walked back down the A444 to a signposted Leicestershire county council maintained footpath that I’d seen.
I went into Job’s Field beneath Parsonage House. Parsonage House has mediocre visible views over the countryside and terrible audio views of the motorway.
In Job’s Field Carl rang me. He said everything was mostly excellent and gave me his special number to call him back on if I got scared. I thanked Carl.
Job’s Field has impressive ridge and furrow.
Ridge and furrow comes from the type of ploughing used for hundreds of years from just after the Romans. The olden plough pushes the soil to one side and so when you’re ploughing one side of a strip and then you turn and plough the other side it pushes the soil more into the middle of the strip and you get humped strips. It is most noticeable in slightly rolling hilly areas that were ploughed in the olden days but aren’t ploughed in the modern days.
The next field, Upper Parks, had old grass in it and was boring.
This is the church of Appleby Magna that I discovered:
The church is okay and near to it there is wet patch on the ground with ducks in it.
And that is okay too. I walked through Lower Parks back to the road and I discovered daffodils.
And a mattress in a ditch.
Back at the van it was growing dark.
I got scared and called Carl. The phone line told me that Carl and everybody else had gone home. Carl had given me his number and told me to call him if I had any problems about 20 minutes before his office closed and he went home. Carl had stitched me up and left me alone on Bowleys Lane. I called the breakdown hotline to find a back door into Carl’s system as breakdown hotlines aren’t allowed to close. A lady from RAC was sad that I had been stuck for three and a half hours and she put me on hold. It seems that RAC use Cisco CallManager and so I found myself listening to the famous Opus No.1 by Tim Carleton and Darrick Deel.
After this I was cheered and the RAC lady passed me on to Jade who said she was going to stay with me until I was rescued no matter what.
This is the inside of the Crown Inn in Appleby Magna:
There was a nice little crowd for a Wednesday night and they were being nice to each other and laughing and there were children playing games. One man told a story about his unrinary tract endoscopy. Jade rang and said that things seemed good and then a strange man rang and said he was at my van and wanted to winch it onto a truck so I had to finish my drink much too quickly and leg it back to the van.
The man was a double divorced part time fireman from Burton on Trent that looked like Ross Kemp. He wore a body warmer with a camouflage design and he has a cat.
I got home at 10pm.